Advice to my fellow quarantiners

Advice to my fellow quarantiners

Bella Kephart

To most, quarantine proposes a terrifying alternative to attending school in person. What could be worse than three weeks of sitting at home alone?

   In reality, quarantine isn’t so bad. After all, you get the opportunity to sleep in for three weeks and walk around the house without pants. For those who are still worried about surviving the latest lockdown, here are some essential tips you need to know.

HOUSEKEEPING

   First, some housekeeping. Three weeks of drinking smoothies and eating potato chips on the couch will undoubtedly lead to spillage. 

   In times of trouble, Gain liquid detergent does the trick. Some may suggest powder detergent as a superior alternative, but nothing makes those fun bubbles like the liquid kind. 

   Plus, the scent lasts much longer. You’ll be smelling a Tropical Sunrise on your favorite sweatshirt for days, as if you were on that Spring Break trip to Florida you were supposed to take last year. 

   Eat balanced meals, especially when operating on a unique, personalized quarantine schedule. For instance, breakfast. It’s 2:00 PM, and you’ve finally decided to eat something. What to have?

   The one quarantine food that feeds both the tummy and the soul is dinosaur nuggets. Pop those suckers in the oven for a few minutes, and you’ll feel like a new human. Don’t forget the barbecue sauce–if you’re dipping with ranch, you’re doing it wrong.

   Diligence in the areas of clean clothes and nutritious meals will improve the quarantine experience dramatically, and will make life seem more manageable.

ESSENTIALS

   Let’s face it: three weeks in quarantine requires some basic necessities. The most important item is an extra-long phone charger. Those Netflix shows aren’t going to binge-watch themselves, and that last 1%, though the strongest one, will only last for so long.

   Water is also essential. Having three or four half-drunk glasses distributed throughout the house will guarantee optimal hydration no matter where you are. Make sure not to fill them up all the way– you’ll only set yourself up for failure. 

   Finally, invest in a pair of blue light glasses. The last thing you need is a head-splitting headache while taking Disney trivia quizzes on Buzzfeed. Regardless of their level of (alleged) effectiveness, these essential fashion accessories will revolutionize the quality of your Snap streaks and contribute to your “comfy scholar” chic.

   Having these essentials will point you in the right direction towards maximizing your time and mitigating the effects of the unavoidable depression and loneliness that comes with being confined in the same suffocating environment. 

TROUBLESHOOTING

   Spending three weeks home alone will bring about difficulties. Never fear– many quarantine qualms have simple solutions.

   Feeling peckish but too lazy to get out of bed? Strategically position yourself in comfy spots close to the kitchen. Minimize that distance between you and the fridge. 

   Keeping up a consistent hygiene routine can also present difficulties. Reward yourself for keeping the hair grease and acne at bay. Did you brush your teeth this morning? Treat yourself to a bowl of ice cream. Manage to take a shower? Order yourself that pair of Nikes you’ve been drooling over. You’ll be looking and feeling fresh in no time.

   Perhaps the biggest obstacle quarantiners face is completing schoolwork. There’s no getting around those never-ending, looming due dates… or is there? 

   A little creativity can go a long way when concocting air-tight excuses to get out of doing homework. Living in a pandemic-ridden world has given rise to a plethora of extenuating circumstances.

   A simple claim of unreliable WiFi connection can buy you a couple of hours. A lost Chromebook charger will get you at least two days. A slight sore throat will guarantee you four days off.  

   If all else fails, feigning unintelligence and reaching out to a parent or sibling to help you meet the deadline yields results. Being subjected to hours home alone will garner some level of pity that will work in your favor.

   At times, you will feel like life is too much to bear. Finding simple solutions like these will reveal the positive, even in the darkest situations.

FINAL THOUGHTS

   Quarantining is tough, lonely, and often quite boring. That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. 

   Use this time to discover yourself and find your passion. Build that Death Star Lego set that’s been sitting in your closet. Throw on your favorite Snoopy pajama pants and have a dance party in your kitchen.

   Or, just set an alarm, enforce good habits, and turn in work on time. Establishing a routine will make mundane tasks infinitely more manageable, allowing you to spend time on more enjoyable pastimes. 

   So take a deep breath and get out of bed. Or don’t.