Jr. Sophia Brown takes a picture of the flowers her boyfriend got her on her birthday.

“I wished men acted like Leonardo DiCaprio in movies. DiCaprio went beyond life and death for his significant other,” a West Ottawa Jr. said. 

   As high school girls, we have grown to desire the affection, effort, and wholesome intentions shown by men in classic romance movies. However, the love portrayed in these films have created unrealistic expectations for girls’ modern-day relationships.    

   The men in these films do whatever it takes to prove their love and create real connections. In “The Notebook”, when Noah Calhoun’s love interest, Allie Hamilton, moved away, he was left heartbroken. During their teenage relationship, they talked about building a house together and starting a family. When Hamilton moved away, Calhoun used his vulnerability to prove he would love her until she loved him again. He would have waited until death for Hamilton; he wanted to experience a life with her. Even after she got engaged to another man, he built the house they once dreamt of in hopes she would come back.  

   Many current West Ottawa girls have noticed men’s motives becoming demanding and sexual, leaving them taking advantage of and unworthy of loving.  

   “He was using me as a rebound,” 

   “He kept sending me unsolicited pictures,” 

   “Left me traumatized,”

   “He would make me do things I didn’t want to do,” female West Ottawa students said.

   Although male validation is capable of making girls feel accomplished, a lot of their comments only bring attention to the physical attributes they admire about girls’ bodies. Is that all you see? Is that all you want? In comparison to “The Notebook”, Calhoun appreciates Hamilton’s personality and features, other than just her appearance. 

   “Towards the end of the relationship, we were always getting into arguments because I wanted him to listen to how he was making me feel. He just wanted me to stop talking about my feelings. I wanted to fix our relationship and I asked him what I could do to make it better. He told me the only way I could ‘make up for arguing with him’ was by having sex,” a West Ottawa 2022 graduate said. 

   Here reveals the disturbing truth that some men have manipulated many West Ottawa girls into feeling pressured to meet their desires. They tend to look past qualities in a pure relationship, and use emotional attachment and attention to get what they want. 

   “Boys would get bored and talk to multiple girls if I didn’t give them what they wanted,” 

   “He wouldn’t let me leave when I wanted to, and he would make me do things I didn’t want to do,” said two West Ottawa Jr.’s.

   These West Ottawa girls are exploited by the fear of losing their relationship; men created unrealistic ultimatums that put them in a tough position. We become afraid to communicate emotions because of how some men often react.

   “One time, we were on call and he noticed I felt a little irritated that he was talking about this girl he used to talk to. When I asked why he talked about her so much, he went, ‘Oh.. so you’re jealous? Well, I can make you more jealous, just listen to this. I had a crush on this girl for seven years and she knew I liked her so she signed this paper. I cut out her signature and hid it in my room. I still have it to this day and look at it sometimes’,” West Ottawa Soph. said. 

   Ironically, some men’s manipulations go even deeper than their fixation on sexual relationships; these boys were not willing to put in effort. They act like showing affection and going out of their way to prove their admiration or love is too vulnerable.

   “He told me he would go to prom with me, but said he wouldn’t do ‘all that’,” West Ottawa Jr. said. All she wanted was for her boyfriend to show he cared. It would have taken such a small amount of energy, yet he still was not willing to give her his time. 

   “He slowly stopped putting in the effort, being honest, started to lie about stupid things, and would refuse to talk to me in person,” West Ottawa Soph. said. Since when was talking to your girlfriend face-to-face not the bare minimum? Who taught these young men that it is okay to treat girls like they are an inconvenience?

   In “The Notebook”, we see Calhoun going way beyond the standards of these men. When Hamilton moved away, he wrote her a letter every single day for a year. That is 365 handwritten letters to prove he was never going to stop loving her, no matter the circumstances.  

   “I wish that forming things like relationships and love didn’t have to be over Snapchat and that things could be formed in-person and in a pure way,” West Ottawa Jr. said. 

   A significant part of these men’s manipulation and lack of effort comes from relationships being built from the foundation of social media. As a generation, we have normalized creating connections online as opposed to face-to-face. 

   “We lived over an hour apart, so we had to call and text most of the time. If I ever asked him if we could call about something he would say, ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea, because if you call me you know I’m going to yell at you’,” West Ottawa 2022 graduate said. 

   He used online communication to his convenience. Without in-person confrontation, it was easy to ignore conflict. Men can become too comfortable hiding behind a screen, saying whatever they want. 

   “One of the worst times I felt disrespected was when a boy I didn’t know well made a song about my self-harm,” West Ottawa Jr. said. 

   What makes these men think it is humorous, respectful, or admirable to make fun of girls’ battles? As human beings, we all inevitably face struggles as individuals. Since when is it socially acceptable to use girls’ hardships as a form of entertainment? 

   As girls in a community, we acknowledge the fact that there ARE respectful and mature men out there who differ from these West Ottawa girls’ experiences. “I wish I could say I don’t fear men because again, there are very many kind and loving men out there,” a West Ottawa 2022 graduate said. It is essential to not overlook the good attributes that can still be found in boys. 

    Growing up in a generation like ours, we girls have started to learn what an unhealthy relationship looks like. “Don’t get your hopes up, but keep your standards high. Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve,” a West Ottawa Jr. said. Becoming aware of what you desire, and more importantly, what you deserve from a man is just one step of many to fulfill a beneficial relationship. 

   If you have ever found yourself in a situation where you have felt uncomfortable, disrespected, used, manipulated, or wronged, just know you are not alone. So many girls have experienced setbacks with men that can truly affect them as individuals. It is crucial to use these hardships and grow from them; do not let a man’s mistake define you as the beautiful person you have become.  

   However, giving up on men overall is not worth it, for there are still so many wholesome, admirable, and affectionate boys with everything you have longed for. Who knows… maybe someday you will find your own Leonardo DiCaprio.