West Ottawan Satire: Trump secretly working for the Democrats


Josef Arner

Due to the recent repeal of net neutrality by the Federal Communications Commission (FCC), a secret plan of President Donald J. Trump’s has been revealed to the public. Trump is conducting  a covert “plan to create a new generation of Democrat voters by instituting damaging Republican policies,”  political analyst Bill Rich said.

  One source inside the White House, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said that Trump plans to accomplish this by implementing one policy after another until the current generation of prospective voters is driven to the Democrats in order to abolish the unfavorable Republican policies. The source said, “Once we get to the next election then there will be a new fervent generation of voters ready to take back the White House. In fact, nearly every person under 25 will consider themselves Democrats”

  So far, the stealthy plan has worked very well for the President. Most of the Trump administration’s decisions and actions since taking office have been engineered to better push the next generation across the aisle. And when looking at his presidency through the lens of his master plan, so much makes sense.

  Trump had to be grateful when the FCC commissioner Ajit Pai started the movement to repeal the net neutrality rules. He knew that millions of young people would switch sides over the attack on the free internet that they love, putting him much farther along in his plan than anticipated by White House strategists.

  “It’s amazing just how many young people care about the internet,” said White House political strategist Mark Sorchovitz. “We just thought that young people only cared about reality television and vaping.” Sorchovitz, unaware of Trump’s plan, expressed concern about the “burgeoning population of young Democrats.”

  Trump’s actions on climate change have also been engineered to further this plan. Even though most scientific organizations in existence state that climate change is a real threat, Trump has chosen to publicly withdraw from efforts to prevent climate change. The withdraw from the Paris Climate Agreement alone was a huge step in the plan to cause young voters to choose Democrats. He has planned to make this happen because of Democrat’s acceptance of basic facts. He knows that nearly all young people are in school, where facts are considered important. Not only that but by not taking actions to prevent climate change he is creating a threat to the future planet that they are going to be living on.

  In another brilliant move on the part of the Trump presidency, Attorney General Jeff Sessions rescinded previous federal policies that stopped enforcement of marijuana regulations at the federal level. “This will allow for Sessions, in the long run, to remove marijuana from the hands of young people and further push them to the Democrats,” said Rich. “Because we all know how much young people love their weed.”

  Jennifer Rietner from Trump’s secret liberal advising team said, “Trump has always been a Democrat and believed in their ideals. It took us a while during the campaign to cover up these facts in order to implement the secret plan.” Even with this massive effort from the secret advising team some facts still slipped through the cracks. A 2004 interview with CNN where Trump admitted to sharing many ideas with Democrats surfaced during the campaign and almost toppled the plan before it began. And at one point Trump has publicly stated to support abortion rights, a traditionally Democratic ideal.

  “He actually really cares about his country to follow through with his massive plan,” said Rietner. “But I’m worried that Trump may have gone too far and exposed his plan to the public. And when people know they are being manipulated it is so much less effective.”

  “I can’t comment on whether this supposed plan is real or not,” said White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders. “But something like this sounds like too complicated for the Trump administration. The time and effort required to execute the supposed ‘secret plan’ would require subtlety and complex reasoning. Both of which Trump lacks.