Donald Trump’s Cabinet Positions


Aubrey Klavon

America, meet your new Secretary of Education: Betsy DeVos.  She was nominated by President-Elect Donald Trump for the position. She is the perfect choice. Sure, Betsy DeVos didn’t go to public schools. And sure, her kids didn’t either. And yeah, okay she’s never had a job in a public school. It’s very likely she’s never even stepped foot in a public school. However, she is a rich Republican who has strong views on education. If Betsy DeVos can be nominated for the Secretary of Education, here are some other choices for cabinet positions.

Darth Vader- Secretary of Homeland Security

  The Secretary of Homeland Security is in charge of the nation’s security and countering terrorism. Darth Vader should have this cabinet position. Yes, he is an evil sith lord. And sure, his Death Star was destroyed. Twice. But that also means he was able to build a Death Star twice. Plus, how about his costume? It’s pretty cool. Who wouldn’t want that helmet as the face of our Secretary of Homeland Security?

Red Skull- Secretary of Defense

  The Secretary of Defense is the position that has the most control over the military, second only to the President. Red Skull would be a great choice for this position. Yeah, he’s a Nazi. But Nazis seem to be making a comeback. Since Trump’s nomination, there sure have been a lot of swastikas, so I believe a lot of Trump supporters could get behind Red Skull as their leader. As for your average, decent human being, a leader who’s a Nazi may be too much. But hey, Red Skull kept his organization going long after his death, defending his beliefs for nearly a century. Isn’t this someone everyone would want as the Secretary of Defense? I don’t know about you, but I think someone who is the arch rival of Captain America and was literally created to oppose American views should have a cabinet position.

London Tipton- Director of the Office of Management and Budget

  The Director of the Office of Management and Budget’s main role is to aid the President in managing the country’s money. I cannot think of a better candidate than London Tipton. Yes, she has thrown away money because it was ‘weighing her down,’ or was ‘too crinkly.’ And sure, she’s used to spending as much money as she wants on whatever she wants. But hey, she’s rich, so who could be more qualified?

Hannah Montana- Secretary of Agriculture

  The Secretary of Agriculture is in charge of federal laws relating to farming. Hannah Montana would do great in this cabinet position. In her hometown of Crowley Corners, Tennessee, Hannah Montana’s family owned a farm. Despite being a popstar who has never had any government experience, Montana has farming in her DNA and would do a fantastic job as the Secretary of Agriculture.

Thomas the Tank Engine- Secretary of Transportation

  The Secretary of Transportation is in charge of creating policies for efficient transportation. People might try to argue that Thomas the Tank Engine is unqualified because he’s not even human. He’s a train. But that’s exactly why he’s so qualified. Who would know more about transportation than an actual train?

Ben Carson- Secretary of Housing and Urban Development

  The Secretary of Housing and Urban Development is in charge of increasing house owners and preventing housing discrimination. Ben Carson has been nominated by Trump for this cabinet position. Yes, Ben Carson is actually a neurosurgeon. And yeah, it’s true he doesn’t have any experience and he even said himself that he did not want a cabinet position as his background did not qualify him for it. However, Ben Carson has lived in a house. That already gives him a leg up on Betsy DeVos. Besides, with this nomination, how can people claim Trump is racist? Especially by bringing up his case from 1973 about housing discrimination against African Americans. Clearly having an African American in charge of preventing housing discrimination is proof that Trump will not tolerate housing discrimination.

  Seriously, though. Betsy DeVos being the Secretary of Education will be a nightmare. DeVos wants to privatize education despite having no experience in public schools and therefore does not understand the importance of them. Sweden privatized their schools, causing many problems. Scores dropped and schools would shut down halfway through the year, leaving students out in the cold. DeVos’s desire to privatize is not a good idea and will be disastrous. DeVos should not be the Secretary of Education.