Mini-golf: I hate it

Jessica Dubeau

Thin, flaky, crust oozing with grease surrounds a measly ground up hodge podge of leftover meat in hot dog form, otherwise known as a pig in a blanket. Compare this to a gourmet, premium length of vienna beef lying in a fluffy sesame seed bun, covered in chopped white onions, bright green sweet pickle relish, vibrant tomato wedges, pickled sport peppers, finished off with a dill pickle spear and a dash of celery salt. Surely, anyone in their right mind would choose the latter.

  This simple comparison mirrors the choice between playing mini golf and real golf. Just as any normal, decent human being would agree, I would so rather play real golf. In fact, I’d even go as far to say that I hate mini-golf. It truly is an embarrassment to the sport that I’ve fallen so deeply in love with.

  I will admit that, as a child, I used to play mini-golf with my father. That was until I discovered my talent for real golf, and started taking the game more seriously. There was one specific moment playing mini-golf that I remember as a kid. My dad went up to take his shot, gripping the cheap piece of metal they called a “putter”. He banked his shot off three different walls, through a windmill, and made a hole-in-one. Keep in mind, this man has little to no golf experience whatsoever. I rolled my eyes and went into my routine before hitting mine next. Like any mini-golf place, I was forced to use an old scratched up ball that cost the owners maybe 5 cents a piece to purchase. I brought the putter head back and through, in a perfect arch, going in a straight line, right through the windmill. Expecting it to go in, I start walking towards the hole to retrieve it. It was then that the stupid thing just brushed the edge of the cup, and fell off the ledge, into the thin, artificial stream below. This scene highlights one of the many reasons why I hate mini-golf.

The children

In real golf, there is such a thing as golf etiquette, which is not present on the mini-golf course. The number one rule in golf is to not run on the greens. Meanwhile, parents let their rambunctious children run all over the hole you’re playing on, trampling through your line. That’s also a big rule breaker. Some people even play the course backwards! People have no respect.

The annoying obstacles

  Besides the classic windmill at Sundae Sundae Golf Golf, there are many additional obstructions to a reasonable round of golf. Everything from ramps, to trash, and those stupid clowns, these annoyances are unbearable to the experienced golfer. Compare this to a real golf course, where there is peace and quiet, without anything unnatural getting in the way.

  Golf is a sport of rich history, refinement, and skill; mini-golf, in comparison, is exactly the opposite.