Being raised by a single parent is often viewed negatively. Many people regularly think the family is ¨broken¨ just because one parent may not be in the picture anymore. However, while one of those parents either chose to step out or didn’t have a decision, the other one may have stepped up to take control.
People need to understand that with the right key components, being raised by a single parent can be just as good, or even better, as being raised by two.
Psychotherapist at New Beginnings Psychotherapy, Jean Chamness Russner, explains the key components to making single parenting a success. She said, ¨For the child it’s a secure attachment with their parent.¨ Russner goes on to explain that it is best to form a deep attachment with the child during early childhood and the key to doing that is if the parent provides consistent and reliable care.
For example, showing up to a child’s sporting event or school event is a simple way to form a secure attachment with the child. Not only does it put a smile on the child’s face when they see the parent supporting them, but it makes it known to them that their mom or dad cares and that they are loved.
Another way to form a secure attachment with the child is by listening and paying attention to them. This shows no matter what the child is talking about, the parent that’s present cares just as much. Whether they are talking about their day at school, a movie they watched, an interaction they had, their imagination, or just what makes them happy. Parents listening is a form of showing they care and this could make the child feel they can come to that parent whenever they feel they need to.
Forming a secure attachment with the child is important because later as the child grows up they won’t feel as alone. They will still have moments where they may wonder why the other parent is not present in their life, but they will also know that they always have the love and support of the parent who is.
Russner then goes on to explain the importance of the parent making sure the child’s basic survival skills are put in need. She said, ¨The practical aspects of this are making sure that there is enough money and there’s housing, you know basic things like that that both the parent and the child need to survive. Obviously, that’s not impossible for single parents but it can be tougher than if there are two parents.¨
Even if this means making sure the child gets fed a healthy amount a day, putting a roof over their head, or providing an education. These things are beyond important for the child, and if the parent is able to provide these contributions, they are more than capable of successfully single parenting.
Not only can single parenting be difficult for the child, but it can be extremely difficult for that parent. The stress, the money, the time, and the emotions. These things can all be very challenging for a single parent to be able to maintain successfully.
Russner explains that one of the key components for the parent to be successful in single parenting is making sure they can balance taking care of their own needs and the child’s needs. She said, ¨For the parent, it takes a lot of time and energy to parent, and so for a single parent, the challenge is to have backup. Meaning social support, other people in their life meaning family or friends that can step in and help care for the child when the parent needs a break.¨
Whether that means going to a family member’s house so the kid can play while the parent has time to be social with others or getting a babysitter for an hour just to be able to have some time to relax and readjust. Having people who help support single parents is very important to help relieve stress, encourage them, and give them more time to do whatever is needed.
Single parenting is more common than people think, and despite some people’s opinions, it is not a negative. When the parent listens to the child, supports them, has a support system, and takes care of the child’s needs. Single parenting can be just as good as having both parents in the picture, or even better.
