I quit. What a mistake.

If I got the opportunity to slap 16-year-old me I would take it. I would tell her she’s about to make the stupidest decision ever. 

Soccer was truly the one that got away. I was so sure that quitting soccer wouldn’t affect me at all and that it was just a “phase” I went through. Little did I know I would regret it so much. 

I originally started playing soccer because of my older brother, Jonathan. He was my inspiration and still is, he is the reason why I played the sport. I chose my jersey number (#2) based on his number (#3). When people asked me why I chose 2 for my number I would always say “My brother plays soccer and his number is 3 and 2 is better than 3 so that’s why.” My brother also helped me decide if I should quit or not. Jonathan knows me better than I know myself, but in this certain situation, I guess he was wrong. 

Thinking long and hard over the summer about why I should or shouldn’t quit was probably one of the toughest times of my life. If I quit, I thought I would be happy and feel more “free.”  I believed I would have less stress and my life would make more sense. But I also thought about all the memories and friendships I have made throughout almost my whole life. All the friendships I have created with my teammates. And the family I found. If I didn’t quit, I could continue with my soccer career in school and possibly get a scholarship for it. I could get more medals that came along with more memories. And I would build more bonds with more people. But no, I decided quitting was the best option. 

I was always passionate about soccer. On my bad days, all I wanted to do was go to the field and shoot around, even if it was by myself I didn’t care, being able to play was the only thing that mattered. I’ll admit I wasn’t the best D1 soccer player; I know I still needed some work here and there. I lacked confidence. I would train and train and train but I never got better. I would try different varieties of drills like dribbling the ball through cones, making my kicks stronger, straighter passes, but it would never be enough for me. I gave up so easily I would pack everything up, and throw it into my car. I knew it would be a long time for me to see progress, I was impatient and was just not satisfied with myself and my skills. I let my lack of confidence and insecurity take over. 

I made a friend around the winter of 2022 and we had such a big connection in soccer. We would talk about soccer at least once a day every day. We became so close and I wasn’t ashamed to show my fear of not being good at the sport in front of him. He made me feel good about the skill level I was at. He helped me out in so many ways when it came to soccer whether it was mental or physical. We would go to the fields and goof around. We created a lot of memories because of soccer but unfortunately me and that person are no longer close. At practices I would look over at the field we would play on and feel so sad, almost empty in a way. Looking back at it now it was a stupid reason for me to quit but back then it was one of the only things I could think about. 

The only thing stopping me from playing is me. I have been given countless opportunities to start playing again. I’ve been asked multiple times to go to the tryouts, practices, games and many more events but I would always make up an excuse so that I could not go. Especially with the school spring season, I would avoid it as much as possible.

Seeing my old team post about how the club season is going and how they are winning games and tournaments left and right makes me miss it all so much more. I still go to see some games every now and then of my old club team playing. It just makes me imagine if I was on that field playing with them. Getting all excited if they make a goal or do a cool trick around the player makes me realize I know I still love soccer so much. I go back to my middle school self and just think no matter where I am or what I’m doing I will always have soccer to be there for me. I really do wish I had stayed with the sport. I regret that I let little things like past friendships and insecurity get in my head.  If I got the opportunity to play even one small game with my team I would take it in a heartbeat.