You’re entering Rivertown Mall, lower floor main entrance. Loud sounds and ads everywhere. You look to your left and instantly get intrigued by the glaring white lights blasting from Sephora. You enter for fun but walk to the back since you feel out of place. You see all the fragrances and get overwhelmed with the hundreds of colognes. You grab a bottle that intrigues you the most, grab a test strip, spray it on, smell it, and now you’re hooked on fragrances and want them all. This is what your go-to fragrance says about you.
Definitions
If you’ve been recently getting into fragrances, here are some words you would need to know. But if you know the basic words or slang for cologne this isn’t required for you.
- “Designer” is a company that makes clothes but also does fragrances, like Dior where they focus on doing clothing but also do fragrances on the side.
- “Niche” means a company that focuses on specifically colognes and nothing else. Some people get this confused with niche possibly just meaning more expensive, when it isn’t.
- “Flanker” means the different lines of the same cologne; for example, in the One Million line by Rebanne, One Million Lucky would be counted as a flanker.
- “Concentration of colognes” There are three that are the most popular. There’s Eau de toilette, which is 5-15 percent of fragrance oils and the rest is alcohol. Next is Eau de Parfum which is 15-20 percent, and lastly is parfum which is 20-40 percent. And generally the higher the concentration the longer the fragrance will last.
- “Notes” relatively speaking you’re gonna see companies say top notes, middle notes, and base notes. What top notes mean is what you’re gonna smell first off the fragrance. This smell will last about 20 minutes before you get the middle notes. Which lasts for about an hour then you get the full dry down of the base notes. The base notes are the longest-lasting part of the fragrance and what it’s all about, generally the longest part.
Jean Paul Gaultier
The unseasoned chicken of all colognes, you looked up the best cologne for men on TikTok and saw a lot of people say their brand is outstanding and believed them. It’s the panda dunk of colognes. Everyone wants it and says it’s the best cologne. Yeah, it smells good but what’s the point of smelling like everyone else. The “scared to have their own opinion and need to follow trends” cologne.
Dior
You’re either someone terrible or someone who just likes smelling good. Depending on which cologne you pick. If you wear any from the Sauvage line, you like scaring babies for fun. But if you wear any other fragrance. For example Dior Homme or any of the flankers, you simply like smelling good and don’t care about what others think. There are only two people, no in-between.
Rabanne
You walked into a Sephora or Ulta and saw the cool bottles Rabanne has to offer. You found one that suited your taste, the Million or the Invictus line stuck out for you. It’s hard to not smell bad for you, you like that smell and you’re probably gonna stick with it until you die… or they discontinue it. Cough cough Million Lucky. You generally smell amazing and are a nice person. You probably avoid their older stuff and I don’t blame you honestly.
Versace
You’re a pretty bland person, to be honest. Which matches perfectly to the cologne you wear. Yeah, it smells good, but your dad also has a bottle in the back of his closet. Everything else is just much better than Versace. And they haven’t been able to keep up with providing great or even good colognes. And so have you stayed with the brand. But hey at least you don’t smell terrible.
Lattafa/ dupe colognes
LOOK WHO SCROLLS COUNTLESS HOURS ON TIKTOK, IT’S YOU! You probably rely on the TikTok shop to order all of your colognes. And you’re really cheap or broke. Yeah, they smell good, sometimes, but it’s so hard to find an amazing TikTok cologne without it being sponsored. You probably have either Lattafa Khamrah (which personally I got AND also returned. It smelled like alcoholic apple juice) and Rayhann Elixir. Your whole collection is basically based on having a collection relying on ONLY dupes of other colognes. You probably looked up “dupe of Creed Aventus, Angels share, or PDM Layton” on TikTok once or twice then ordered a cologne from the TikTok shop. You also follow Noel Thomas on TikTok, which isn’t good at all.
Spicebomb
You are energetic and strong. You like to overspray ON PURPOSE just to make sure everyone KNOWS you’re in the room. You like how peppery or spicy the cologne is. You’re not shy at all and like to be loud but not too loud to be obnoxious.
YSL
You like to smell good but are slowly realizing that everyone is starting to smell just like you. Either you don’t mind or you are starting to hate and are trying to find a new main smell. You are a born hater.
Valentino
You smell fantastic; people often compliment you, and not even for your fragrance. You know what’s good, and how to look and smell good. People often want to be next to you or around you all the time no matter what. And just in general you’re a good person to be around.
Ralph Lauren
Depending on which one you wear, you smell either classical or great. While polo fragrances can be one of the more popular colognes for older people in their 40s or 50s, they still smell good even though some people can consider the brand “old fashioned.” It’s a good brand to always rely on when you want something good and something that doesn’t cost much. And you will find a random flanker you will love but no one else knows of what it is.
Mancera/ Montale
“Guys, I have a niche, can I be a part of the club?” Two types of people wear these brands. They either just really like the smell of the fragrance or they just want to have a “niche” cologne since everybody wants them. And it is always the biggest hit or miss with them; they will either smell amazing or terrible. No in between, and you probably looked up on TikTok “cheapest niche” and ordered the cheapest one they said in the video with no research.
Prada
You smell amazing and classy too. People often ask what cologne you’re wearing and they’d be surprised when it’s a Prada. You’re a formal person and like getting all the compliments you receive when wearing it. And you like keeping stuff simple and clean.
Tom Ford
Look at Mr moneybags over here. You probably think Tom Ford is niche just because of the prices they charge for their colognes. But forget what niche even means, regardless you smell phenomenal but you are a terrible egotistical person. You wanted the most expensive cologne the store you entered had to offer. You have a very very high self-esteem and think too much of yourself.
Giorgio Armani
You smell formal and fancy, and as if you cared deeply about the small business that you have. But is also secretly failing, you smell amazing but your personality doesn’t match the way you smell. You like to think you’re a good person but your business relies on people’s stolen information. You’re a scammer.
Chanel
Hello old hypebeast! You’ve recently seen how everyone has been hyping up the bleu de chanel fragrances for a while and you like to make people happy and follow what people say. You can be obnoxious at times and people will simply tolerate you. And you also like how pricey they are for something that isn’t too luxurious but still smells good.
Carolina Herrera
You smell electrifyingly good, and people like the constant energy you bring anywhere you go. And you are a very generous person, you are very charitable and nice and you probably just liked how the bottle looked. I can’t blame you, it looks cool.
Gucci, Burberry
You either think this fragrance is very luxurious and is worth hundreds of dollars. Or you just like the smell of it and don’t think about the brand, and just care about the scent. If you think it’s worth hundreds of dollars, you’re just wrong and just because it’s from a very expensive and notable brand, it always means it’s gonna be high quality, someone is stuck in 2016.
Parfums De Marley
You’re new to fragrances and you wanted something expensive just to show off to people that you have a “niche” cologne. You only care about labels on things not if it even smells good. Oh and by the way the first cologne you’ve ever bought was probably John Paul Gaultier Elixir.
Louis Vuitton
The opposite of what Tom Ford users are. They know what they are wearing and they love it. You are willing to pay the 300 dollars for just a bottle of cologne. And they will use it as if it only cost them $20. You’re usually a very nice calm and chill person to be around. And a person that smells amazing.
Xerjoff
You wanted something with a nice bottle and you’re generally a kind person. And you don’t care about criticism from other people. And you don’t care how they are unisex or if the smell leans a little more feminine. You just like to smell amazing.
Calvin Klein, Michael Kors, Mont Blanc, clothing store brands (Hollister, Banana Republic)
You entered a Burlington or TJ Maxx and you wanted something that looked, sounded, and smelled cool. You wanted something cheap and didn’t want to pay more than 30 dollars for a bottle of cologne. And sometimes these could smell amazing but you don’t want people to know it’s secretly from Banana Republic or Michael Kors. And you have some decency because you don’t buy from the TikTok shop and go in person and get legit brands.
Hugo Boss, Dolce&Gabbana, Azzaro
You found a hidden gem at a department store and you have stuck with it the whole time you have been alive. And people often enjoy the smell you leave off, you’re an energetic person. And if you were to smell this exact cologne and someone you know wears it all the time. You’d think he’s right behind you. You’re a nice and humble person who isn’t too loud but just fun to be around all the time.
Guerlain
You know how to smell amazing and you are very dependent. But you also love being around people and helping them when they need help. You smell famous and rich, at the same time. People know who you are just from other people.
Niche
You have been into fragrances for a while and you wanted something good, and different from a designer fragrance. You are a nice and calm person, and you like collecting fragrances as it’s your favorite hobby and you don’t care about labels. You’re a simple, nice person who likes to smell amazing, and you often don’t care what other people think.
“Ultra” niche
First off, I hate the term “ultra-niche”. It has always sounded corny and there is nothing that is truly “ultra-niche.” And you probably are new to fragrances but need everything in your life to be overly expensive for no reason. You are a really competitive person but in every wrong way. The most egotistical person you know and have high standards for everything. You think too highly of yourself and think everyone and everything else is terrible.
Conclusion
This was all for comedic reasons and of course, they obviously don’t translate to who you are exactly as a person. And if you are offended please don’t hunt me this was for jokes and was not meant to be taken seriously, and i dont care. Also if your brand wasn’t on the list I’m sorry I missed it, maybe it’s just too obscure or it just smells bad.
