After what felt like forever, Michael Rodriguez had finally finished driver’s training. Turning the engine on and buckling in just filled him with even more excitement. Rodriguez was practicing manual stick on his way to get pizza with his family. Everything was going good until the 4-way intersection came up. Traffic was heavy and flowing but none of that seemed to bother Michael. Not knowing to fully stop, Michael just slowed down without fully stopping. He took his foot off of the clutch and when he tried to shift gears he stalled. Rodriguez tried to start it back up but failed two times taking about 40 minutes, people were honking at him impatiently. Immediately, his family seemed to notice his mistake, the car filled with loud voices and judgmental towards Michael. Knowing that his parents expected him to be as good or better than his sibling, Michael felt a lot of pressure. Embarrassed, he ignored them and went on with his drive. Wondering why everything was a competition between him and his siblings is always a question that lingered in his head.
This is what it’s like to be the youngest sibling, being criticized and feeling less accomplished. The life of the youngest sibling is not what people make it to be. Being the youngest is much more than being the spoiled or bratty child that most people seem to adore. It’s not easy having an older sibling that sets parents standards higher than what their child is capable of. Working as hard as they can but still not making anyone proud. Every day is a challenge with the youngest and their family.
All the expectations parents have on their youngest can affect how the child views themselves. These expectations can cause them to feel as if what they do doesn’t matter or isn’t good enough. Older siblings have already gone through and accomplished so much more than the youngest so parents tend to set the standards and expectations high.
Parents having higher expectations and giving their attention to the oldest results in the youngest having to find a way to get their family’s attention and developing characteristics that lead to people giving them stereotypes.
A typical stereotype for the youngest sibling is that they are:
- Spoiled
- Bratty
- Immature
- Attention seeking
- Annoying
Even though some of these can be true for some people, there is more to just being a spoiled bratty sibling than what people talk about. Parents tend to give their younger children more attention because they want to make sure that they are better than the previous children as in not making the same mistakes or even just getting better grades in school. They want the youngest to be on the right path in life and not repeat the same mistakes. Parents naturally create a sense of expectation for their last born child. Having the experience from their previous children they want the youngest to outperform or be more successful than the older children. If the parents see a mistake in their older children’s actions the younger children are expected to be better and not make the same mistakes.
The bond between the oldest and parents tends to be stronger than the youngest. This causes the younger children to feel left out in conversations or activities. Being kicked out of rooms, yelled at to go away, and getting ignored are things that the younger children in the family have to endure all the time making them feel left out and unimportant. “My mom and step dad were talking with my brother about my uncle and I liked this uncle more than the others and I asked ‘What about him?’ and my mom said ‘it’s nothing’ and stopped talking about him,” Ali Sem said. Even though Sem’s favorite uncle was brung up, her family tried to ignore her trying to join in and stopped the conversation which caused her to feel left out. Being left out can affect the relationship between one another because of the feeling that people don’t want them there or feel like they’re not relevant enough to talk with.
Many times the youngest child say that they want to grow up because they want to be included and feel like they fit in, maybe once they are older they will be included in the family discussions. Being left out the youngest learn how to entertain and pass time by themselves, becoming more independent.
As the youngest gets older they feel as if they are responsible to fix the problems and everyone puts their problems on them. Observing everyone and everything around themselves can be hard when there are family problems. Witnessing how everyone treats one another and their flaws. The pressure that is put on the youngest makes them feel as if they are too late and can’t do anything or enough to fix the issue. Giving the responsibility of putting the family together and feeling emotionally responsible can cause feelings to be bottled up because of the need to help the family. Feeling as if their feelings are invalidated and taking care of others.
The youngests are sometimes seen as the most sensitive or the “glass child”. Youngest usually feel as if they need to bottle up and ignore their own feelings because of the struggles that their siblings and parents are going through. Hiding their own feelings can become too much for someone.
People may look at the youngest acting up and assume the youngest is too sensitive or just wants attention. Even just showing a bit of emotion or trying to express their feelings can feel like they’re talking to a brick wall, no one listening to them. These actions create a trait of manipulation to get their way so they will get even the slightest bit of attention from someone because they want to feel important.
No one seems to care enough but always leaning on the youngest for when they need emotional support. Eventually the youngest feels like they’re the burden. Trying and trying but it’s never good enough, losing confidence but never being able to express their feelings to someone.
Some parents are more focused on their oldest which leaves their youngest to fend for themselves but also leaving them more freedom. The parents having less of their attention on their youngest can make it look like the parents are just nicer and less strict to the youngest.
The parents’ attention is focused on the older children not paying much attention to the youngest and letting them do more stuff. Even though the expectations may be higher, the youngest is usually less looked upon and has more freedom because their siblings are the priority. This can also make it seem as if the youngest is the ‘favorite’ because they can go out whenever they want to.
Some younger siblings will make them able to go out whenever into a good thing and take advantage of it. “My parents give me more freedom than what they gave my older siblings. When they were my age they didn’t get to go out a lot and had more rules but now that they are all moved out my mom lets me go out with my friends whenever I want,” Collin Saelee said. Getting more freedom can be a good advantage for the youngest to get opportunities to go out more often but sometimes depending on the child or who they are with they can make bad choices.
The reality of being a youngest child is something many people ignore and don’t realize. The people closest to the child are the people that affect them the most. The slightest action can make someone feel unwanted or feel inferior next to siblings.
