The end of days approaches, blacking out the skies. Primal fear runs through the streets as people light up in panic. You feel yourself sink, lowering onto your knees as if in deep prayer.
Horror consumes you, but amidst the torrent, you can’t help but feel a dull satisfaction. You knew this would happen and tried to warn them, but no one believed you. Your eyes close in acceptance and you raise your head, embracing the end. You wait seemingly for hours, combing through your life’s memories that seem so small in hindsight.
Impatience nags you, a desire to gaze upon the world one last time. When you open your eyes though, the eclipse is gone.
With 2024’s eclipse in the rearview, another year of wild theories surrounding the eclipse came and went. However, that won’t stop people from claiming the end is near next time. People have been making mountains out of mounds since the dawn of time, but no field of study is more renowned for its theories and pseudo-sciences than astrology.
There are a wide variety of sensationalized rationales for why the moon covers the sun, ranging from the eclipse being used as cover to open an inter-dimensional portal, to it being the herald of the rapture. While the rabbit hole truly has no end, this article has compiled the wildest eclipse theories concocted by the Internet’s favorite pseudo-sciences. While these theories do not hold much merit, they perfectly exemplify man’s urge to find fantasy in science.
The first theory in today’s list claims CERN is using the eclipse to open a portal to another world and create a black hole. CERN is a European lab whose study of focus is understanding the fabrics that make up the universe. Naturally, CERN is often accused of inter-dimensional meddling. CERN’s equipment became active proceeding the eclipse but was incapable of opening a portal.
The eclipse Birdman is another of the more popular theories about the eclipse. According to a Facebook account named La Ribera Ciudad Fernandez, the “Birdman” showed up several days before the eclipse and supposedly generated fear among the public. The attached photo was a black-and-white photo of what appears to be a man with wings. This theory connects to other theories held by many cryptid enthusiasts. The picture provided is the same famous picture of a much more renowned cryptid known as Mothman, who supposedly has powers of premonition. The photo is fairly old, first taken in the early 60s, making it fair to say that there were no “Birdman” sightings.
NASA launching three rockets into space days before the eclipse was another catalyst for explosive conspiracies. NASA claims that the rocket’s purpose was to observe how the Earth’s atmosphere is affected by a momentary loss of sunlight, but the conspiracy explanations are much more interesting. According to the Internet, NASA launching three rockets has a variety of motives, with two of the best being that they will blow up three moons or that they are part of a “sex magic ritual.”
Creative as these theories are, most don’t buy into them, but some go further, denying the eclipse outright. Eclipse-deniers believe it’s simply a test put out by the government to see if people are willing to obey the government with no questions asked, despite accounts of the eclipse long before the American government. Most of these theories pop up on right-leaning message boards, with this one, in particular, originating from a site called “The Donald”.
These theories are relatively small potatoes compared to the most widely believed eclipse conspiracy: the eclipse signifies the rapture. To simplify, the rapture is a belief in Christian circles that heralds the end of days, where devout followers of the Lord will ascend to the clouds to meet Him after they die and the Earth is scorched. There are a few explanations as to why the eclipse is so linked to the second coming of Christ.
A picture detailing the 2017 solar eclipse’s path, and the path of the 2024 eclipse showed the two intersecting in southern Illinois in the shape of a cross. Combined with the pattern of eclipses appearing seven years apart (seven is a holy number in Christianity) certain Christian circles associate the eclipse with their faith. However, the rapture connection is much more explicit.
Several passages in the Bible say the eclipse is a sign of the second coming and the end of days from a variety of books including Revelations and Joel, which is “irrefutable evidence” that the rapture and eclipse are linked. Despite conspiracy theories claiming that the end is near for centuries, the “prophecy” still has not come to fruition. And yet, even in the face of logic and common sense, conspiracy theorists bravely persist.
As boring as it is, reality is much simpler than the complex explanations theory crafters have conjured up. An eclipse is caused by the sun and moon aligning so that the moon casts a shadow on the Earth and blocks the sun. There is no Birdman, NASA isn’t launching magic rockets, and sometimes the simplest explanation is best. To say otherwise in the modern age is delusional, blind faith in boogeymen that haunt the stars.
Theories can show how far the human mind will go to hide people from the world’s truth. It’s relatively harmless concerning astrological phenomena, but keep in mind that people harboring such delusions also drive and vote. While no one should fear the eclipse, it’s perfectly sane to be wary of those who do.
