July 2016

   On a hot, sunny day in July, old sprinklers shot ice-cold water through the netting of the trampoline while my brothers and I ran inside to get our swimsuits. 

   Growing up in the care of two loving parents and two outgoing older brothers was something special and important to recognize. Making myself who I am, my brothers grew, laughed, and cried with me. 

   The connection shared between my brothers and I made my childhood as perfect as it seemed to be. As my siblings and I grow older, family traditions change, dinner gets quieter, and vacations get smaller. 

May 2020 (year of the pandemic)

   COVID-19 became more than just a flu. Schools and businesses were closed down and the general public quarantined inside the comfort of their homes. 

   Graduation rounded the corner and West Ottawa parents and graduates wondered if there’d be a ceremony. Having a brother as part of the 2020 graduating class, I was sad to see him go. Having lived with me for 14 years of my life, it would be a weird adjustment for him to move out. 

   Against all odds, the administration of West Ottawa sent out a message reading that the ceremony for graduating seniors would be held outside in the parking lot of the middle school.

—-

   The day of graduation came. I remember Ethan walking across the stage and looking over at my mom with tears in her eyes.

   Was this the end of my childhood?

October 2020

   The summer before he left for college was sentimental, short, and sweet. I appreciated COVID-19 delaying move-in, but the wait didn’t make it any easier. Counting down the days, moving day arrived, and the car was packed. The drive to MSU felt like forever. 

   Brendan, 17 at the time, was in his junior year of high school and soon to go to college.

   Would I have to endure this feeling again?

   Little time had passed, but with Ethan’s absence, dinners were quieter, the house felt emptier, and the bathroom was cleaner. Did I really miss the mess in the bathroom? Was the thought of knowing his stuff filled the cabinets comfortable? 

   Growing up next to Ethan’s room, I hated how loud he’d get playing video games. Laughing and yelling at his computer screen annoyed me so much, but now with him gone, the silence is difficult and uneasy. Most days, I wish for the noisy clicking of his computer and muffled yelling into his headphones. 

   A peer of mine has a similar experience of having an older sibling move away. “Moving Natalie into her dorm was such a weird feeling. The thought of being the only child at home was surrounding my head. I sometimes forget about her being gone, but times like my dad’s birthday, where it was just my parents and I, made me remember her absence,” Jr. Sydney Wilcox said.

   The absence of our siblings reminds us how loud the silence really is, but it teaches us to appreciate the time spent. 

September 2021

   Another year passed; I became a freshman and Brendan was a senior. Bringing me to school, some days were filled with laughter and others with silence. Despite this, the short 5-minute drive was one of the best parts of my day.

August 2022 

   Moving Brendan into college at CMU was quick and sad. After returning home, the house was silent. Just the rapid movement of my dog’s tail hitting the wall broke the silence.

   It was just me now. 

   Sitting down for dinner wasn’t the same. The empty spots at the table were hard to ignore and every conversation seemed to be directed at me. 

   The needed adjustment would be weird. 

Present Day

   Hoping for the days they come home, the slightly awkward, but hoped-for hugs allow me to appreciate them going to school so close by.

   I’m grateful for every second spent with my siblings knowing that at this time they may be the closest they’ll ever be to home. My oldest brother’s talk of moving across the country after graduation worries me, but as childhoods don’t last forever, the connection shared between siblings does.