Never Ending Song

   I pressed play on the album. His voice entered my ears, and my heart began to ache. Who knew a few lyrics could save my life?

   After viewing my Apple Music Replay 2023 results, I’m not lying when I say Conan Gray’s Superache has been

on repeat for months. I have played the album 700 times. I feel frightened when my index finger guides itself to his album after any minor inconvenience.

   I first discovered Gray’s music during the peak of Covid-19. Like most teens, I was influenced by his song “Heather,” and its swift travel across social media. I immediately fell in love with his first album, Kid Krow. Although his hype never seemed to die down, I buried his talent in the folds of my brain. Thankfully, I rediscovered his music over the summer of 2023 and quickly became dependent on his work

   Music has always been a second language to me. I like connecting with lyrics, as I feel less alone, understanding that a successful music artist has gone through similar situations. Since 2023 was arguably the worst year of my life, I was able to connect to Superache in multiple ways. 

Astronomy: Two worlds apart

   I fell in love over the summer of 2023. Their eyes reminded me of the brightest stars. Unfortunately, the love was a supernova and ended toward the middle of August. 

  Although we never dated, I felt hollow, like a lone star lost in space. I filled the emptiness with work and school, picking up hours and studying more than ever. At times when I could not distract myself positively, I hurt both of us by beginning a conversation and opening a door that needed to stay closed. 

   In his song “Astronomy,” Gray recounts memories from a relationship with someone who he is still deeply in love with. Though in love, he tries to grapple with the overwhelming desire to see or talk to that person. His lyrics (“Stop tryna keep us alive/You’re pointing at stars in the sky/That already died”) show that no matter how much someone yearns for a relationship, once the spark is gone, it is no longer worth saving. 

   The lyrics in “Astronomy” helped me understand that I was causing us more harm than good. To move on, I needed the realization that I was trying to start a fire without a match. With the help of Gray’s experiences, I was able to move on and focus on myself rather than our dead romance. 

Family Line: We are not the same

   In December of 2022, I craved comfort from a mother who never prioritized me. I moved out of her home but still felt the need for warm arms and someone emotionally available. I turned to music and listened to songs written about similar family problems. Gray’s song “Family Line” was the most prominent. 

   “Oh, all that I did to try and undo it

   All of my pain and all your excuses

   I was a kid but I wasn’t clueless

   Someone who loves you wouldn’t do this

   All of my past, I tried to erase it

   But now I see, would I even change it?

   Might share a face and share a last name but

   We are not the same.”

   Gray’s lyrics gave me the comfort I needed to heal from my trauma. They made me feel heard and made sense of my situation. With Gray’s help, I was able to move on from my past and accept the fact that none of the pain I experienced was my fault. For the longest time, I believed that for some reason, I was not worthy of the love others got from their parents. “Family Line” returned my sense of self, and showed me that my past does not define me. 

People Watching: Life feels so monotone

   Teenage romance was something the younger me always looked forward to; she would be sad to know that we have never truly experienced it. I have had a few failed talking stages (including the one mentioned for “Astronomy”) but never anything serious. 

   Deep down, I know that it is not the end of the world and that I will find someone eventually, but I often wonder when that time will come. The thought has haunted me so much that I believe something is wrong with me. 

   The lyrics in “People Watching” (“I wanna feel all that love and emotion/Be that attached to the person I’m holding/Someday I’ll be fallin’ without caution/But for now I’m only people watching”) have not healed me, but they make me feel less alone. It feels like the song itself has lifted a weight off my shoulders. I can finally breathe without worrying about finding a partner. I would love to experience teenage romance, but I no longer believe I am flawed for not having experienced it. 

Matching wounds

   Superache is all so purposeful, painful, and beautiful. Gray created a masterpiece; his authenticity saved my life. His words showed me the light and guided me to the top of a hill during the lowest point of my life. I know now that as long as my favorite artist continues to produce gut-wrenching music based on his experiences, I am not alone. 

   Like Gray, many other artists inspire and lead others through their music. “Even when the lyrics don’t necessarily match up with what I’m feeling, the sound of instruments and beautiful melodies provide comfort. Music can remind you of good times as well as comfort you in the bad ones,” said Jr. Brianna Solis.