Here we go again.

Another school crush of the month, or week, or year. There is something special about school crushes: dressing nice in hopes of him seeing me, memorizing his schedule so I know which route to take just to not say a word to each other, or simply admiring him from afar.

I have had my fair share of using bizarre tactics to create a “spark” between my crush and me. I’m not saying that all of them worked because I haven’t had a boyfriend since 2018 but hey, you only live once, right? This is why I have accumulated some of the most atrocious yet embarrassing ways that I have tried to “shoot my shot.”

1. I’ve had a crush on this guy for a whole three years and every time I confessed my feelings for him, he’d reject me. But, I still didn’t give up. The second we spoke to each other again, the feelings would come rushing back. Sophomore year, he and I had the same English teacher, but at different hours. Of course, I knew his schedule. I had my English class first hour and he had it second hour so I’d see him walk by me during passing time. One day, I thought it would be a good idea to purposely leave my sweatshirt and retrieve it when he had class just so he can acknowledge me for five seconds. I left my sweatshirt on top of an empty desk and came back to retrieve it only to find it gone. Someone had actually stolen my sweatshirt. I tried looking, scattering around for 10 minutes, and then gave up. Meanwhile, he didn’t even notice me and was too busy reading Of Mice and Men. I cried for an hour that day.

   

2. This next incident was absolutely mortifying but pretty recent. School had just ended and my crush was walking behind me. I didn’t want him to see me walk to the bus stop because I found that embarrassing considering the fact that I do not have my license. Instead, I went straight ahead to the student parking lot and pretended to find my car until he went in a different direction. I BOOKED IT back to the bus stop once he looked away because I’d miss my bus.
3. Freshman year, I had an intense crush on this boy for five months and slowly started to make conversation with him. I found out that he was into classical music. I found his Spotify playlist and devised a plan to listen to all of the songs in hopes that he’d fall in love with me or something. So, instead of doing my Algebra homework, I listened to four hours of Mozart, just to find out that he already had an interest in someone  else.
4. Junior year, I had a crush on this boy who was very introverted, but smart. I needed a way to talk to him because we did not have much in common. One day in AP Lang, I went up to him and asked if he could answer a question for my “cultures class.” I asked him if he liked broccoli cheddar or tomato soup with his grilled cheese. He said, “I don’t know, tomato soup maybe, I haven’t tried broccoli cheddar.” I proceeded to say “oh, okay,” and walked away in embarrassment. 

As appalling as these stories were, I asked my fellow classmates at West Ottawa and a couple of my other friends how they tried to pursue their crush. Believe it or not, their stories are crazier than mine.

1. Heidi Burghart, a senior at Zeeland West High School, expressed how she had to pretend to be religious for her to shoot her shot. “One time I dated this kid in eighth grade; he was super Christian and I was not religious. He would go to church on Sundays and I would not answer him so he would think that I was at church too. I would also send him Bible verses so he’d think that I read the Bible when I have never done that. I kept it going for eight months and he still doesn’t know to this day. He broke up with me though,” she said.
2. An anonymous junior at West Ottawa describes a very costly attempt to try and reconnect with her crush. She and this guy had been talking for a couple of months but suddenly stopped due to the lack of communication. She was interested in lighting a fire in their relationship once again and in an attempt to do that…she legit bought a PS4 just to add him and play with him. She recalls the awkwardness by saying ”even while playing, we just sat in silence. “ At the end, they didn’t work out. 
3. A senior from Queens, New York City, described the time when she got VICIOUSLY humbled while making a move on her crush. “We were at PE, the last class of the day and I was struggling to talk to my crush for a while. It was about to be winter break so I would not see him for two weeks. I took a leap of faith and thought to myself ‘why not just go for it?’ Even then, something was holding me back from making the first move and so, I tripped myself on purpose in front of him thinking that he’d console me. I landed face first and all he did was jog right past by me and laugh,” she said.
4. My brother, Sam Das, embarrassingly admits the time he tried to impress his crush at work by saying that he met the rapper Drake. Before I get into his confession, I want to disclose his unhealthy obsession with Drake. From the jewelry to the clothes and the fact that he changed his Instagram username to match Drake’s…but that is a different story. “I was working at Gentex at the time and she was working in the same station as me. At first, I was too nervous to talk to her because I wasn’t sure if she was in a relationship or not. A few months passed by and we started talking frequently at work. I told her that I had moved from New York and she had asked if I met any famous people there. So, to impress her, I said that I met Drake,” he said. I don’t even know how he recovered from that but he did somehow because they have been dating for four years now.
5. An anonymous senior at West Ottawa discussed how she posted a picture of a Playboi Carti song on her Instagram since he was his favorite artist. “The most embarrassing thing I did for a failed talking stage was post a thirst trap to a Playboi Carti song on my main page since I knew he liked that song. His best friend then clowned me to my face saying ’haha you posted a Carti thirst trap for _____.’ Like wow, I can’t believe it was that obvious. His whole friend group watched it,” she said. 

As mortifying as it was to rehash the moments where I have failed tremendously in getting my crush’s attention, I have to say, it does create a conversation starter. It feels good knowing that I am not the only person in the world who has pulled absurd tactics like almost missing my bus, losing my precious sweatshirt, and listening to hours of classical music only for me to not be in a relationship. However, a famous tik tok audio once said…”I don’t chase, I attract.”