Depression ultimately led to a hospital stay.

One in five people struggle with mental health issues. To put it in perspective we have about 2166 students at WOHS, that’s about 433 students here that struggle with mental illness. There are so many different disorders that affect people in different ways. Some people may have struggles with mental health and not even notice because it becomes a part of their normal everyday life. For some, they may never have to worry about struggling with their mental health, but for others, it is a battle they are fighting every day. 

High school was the beginning of my mental health journey. For so long I had felt alone and sad that it became normal for me. I never realized that not everyone always feels sad and lonely. I was struggling to get out of bed to eat or drink. I had no motivation to do anything and I had lost all interest in activities I used to enjoy. I rarely left my room, I didn’t talk to people, I shut myself down to try to ignore the things happening in my life. I thought that was just normal because I was getting older. That was not the case.

  On September 6, 2021, I attempted to take my own life. As I reached for the pill bottles, I didn’t think about the damage this would do to my family, friends, and even my own body. A few hours later, trying to ignore the dizziness and nausea, I went to bed. I woke up feeling worse than before. The vomiting started and lasted for hours. I had never been so sick in my life; I never knew the effect the pill would have on me. 

Like most teenagers, I didn’t think before I acted and I didn’t think about the future if I did survive. I didn’t think what my life would’ve been like if I made it past this hurdle. I never considered how it would affect my relationships and my mental health. I thought I was helping myself out but I was doing the opposite.

Anxiety kicked in and told me I was in danger, so I immediately found my parents and told them what I had done. With no thought, my dad grabbed his phone and called 911. As I sat there listening to my father on the phone with the operator, reality set in, and I truly saw what I had just done. 

Shortly after hearing sirens, two paramedics were standing in front of me, asking me what felt like a million questions. I was able to walk out to the ambulance, so I climbed onto the stretcher. They asked, “Who wants to go with her?” My sister, who was 10 at the time, was still sleeping inside. My mom decided to stay home and call my aunt to stay with my sister. 

As I rode in the ambulance, I remember the paramedic asking me questions about school and my favorite subject. I was still my funny self, so I of course said lunch was my favorite subject. 

After arriving at Holland Hospital, they began to give me medications to reverse the effects of the pills I had taken a few hours before. A nurse came in to take me to the bathroom and collect a urine sample so they could see how much acetaminophen was in my system. I remember thinking it couldn’t be that hard. I ended up on the bathroom floor and almost passed out.

After being in the ER for about an hour, they decided my acetaminophen levels were too high for them to treat at such a small hospital as Holland Hospital. Within a few minutes, I was back on a stretcher, headed to Helen Devos Children’s Hospital in Grand Rapids. 

As I arrived there, I was still vomiting, but I met a nurse I will forever remember. Her name was Nicole, and she tied my hair up, using a hair tie off her wrist. 

It was around midnight, and I was on 24/7 watch, which meant I had cameras in my hospital room and someone constantly with me. The doctors continued to give me fluids because I had lost so much due to the vomiting. Slowly, I began to feel better and less dizzy. Waking up the next day, I remember talking to multiple people who all asked me very similar questions. I could see the pain in my parents’ eyes after the night we had just been through. 

After I started to feel normal, I ate some food and caught up on some sleep that I had missed. At one point, I asked my dad for my phone because I wanted to text my friends and let them know I was okay, but because I was on 24/7 watch, I wasn’t able to have any devices but the hospital TV. After laying in bed for over 12 hours, I decided to get up. I will never forget the feeling of trying to stand and walk; it felt like I was learning to walk for the first time. I was so weak, and I felt powerless. They wouldn’t even let me close the door to the bathroom. 

After being at Helen Devos for a little over a day, they came and told me I was waiting for a bed to open up at Pine Rest, a psychiatric hospital in Cutlerville a few minutes outside Grand Rapids. I was terrified to go to Pine Rest. I had never heard of other people who had gone there, and I had only seen mental hospitals in movies. 

During this journey, I felt lonely and lost, like I had no future. I felt as if I was the only one struggling with mental health because people didn’t really talk about their experiences. I felt terrified thinking about going to Pine Rest and starting medications because I didn’t want to have to rely on something to keep me happy. 

I was admitted to Pine Rest at 3:00 AM. After filling out tons of paperwork, they brought me to a room, and everything was silent. I lay in that very uncomfortable bed for hours, not even getting up the next day. I sat alone, being checked on every 15 minutes. After five days, hours of therapy, and so much talking about what had happened, I was discharged. It felt like I was being freed from prison. After leaving, I got my phone back, and as I turned it on, messages were flowing through, all of my friends wondering where I was and what happened. While inpatient, I was started on a medication called Lexapro. I began to feel like myself again; now my problems didn’t just disappear; I still had to cope with my feelings. Thankfully, Pine Rest has given me healthy coping skills to use. 

Pine Rest helped me to realize I wasn’t alone, there are so many other people who struggle with the same things I did. The therapists and doctors there helped me to find skills I could use when I was struggling. They also helped me to change my parents’ minds about mental health because before my journey they didn’t totally understand what it meant to deal with mental illness but now I’m able to talk very openly to my parents about my struggles and they are able to get me the help I need. I still had lots of health problems following this experience because of how I treated my body and mind. 

The hardest part of my mental health journey was not going to Pine Rest or being in the hospital but continuing to recover after leaving those places. It is so easy to go back to your normal way of life because you feel comfortable living like you have, but it’s hard to change how you do things and how you think. It’s easier when you have someone to guide you through things and help you work through your emotions. 

I think the most important steps for continuing to recover are finding a group of people who understand you and support you, creating healthy habits such as making your bed every day or drinking more water. Lastly, I think it is important that people spread awareness about mental health and the struggles behind it.

After going through an emotional experience like that, I knew I wanted to share my story to maybe help someone else who is struggling with the same thing I was. I still struggle with my mental health, but I have the skills and resources I need to cope. I hope my story can help someone who is looking for the courage to get help. It can be so hard to reach out and express your feelings, but there are so many health professionals who can help you. My journey was never easy, but it has definitely changed my perspective on life. Please remember that it’s okay to not be okay. Don’t ever feel embarrassed to admit you are struggling or to reach out for help. So many high schoolers are dealing with mental health issues, and you are not alone.